What if, Brother?
by Lost Lowe
Summary: Speed has had a thought on his mind for a long time, and he's afraid to come to his brother about it. When X finally finds out about the issue, what can he say to save his and his little brother's relationship? Speed/X brotherly bonding from X's POV.


"X?"

I peered over the top of the latest _Racing Monthly _to find a very distracted Speed in my doorway. His eyes seemed to be covered by those long chocolate bangs, and his right hand was busy trying to rub the skin off of his left arm, two things Speed did only whenever he was extremely nervous or frightened.

Well then. There goes the thought of yelling at him for not knocking.

"What is it, bro?"I watched as Speed flinched at my response and instantly found a knot forming in my stomach. I had said nothing that should have upset him normally, meaning this was either the result of another blackmailing/kidnapping attempt, or he had already been regretting his decision to come to me. Both possibilities made me sick; I never wanted my little brother to feel he couldn't talk to me, no matter what the circumstances.

A small sigh escaped me as I stood up and placed my magazine on the same gray coffee table I had just used as a footstool. Speed hadn't moved from his spot, so I made my way over to him and gently guided him inside.

"C'mon. Get in here so we can sit down and talk about this." Speed did as I told him and found a place on the same couch I had just gotten up from. He still didn't look thrilled to be around me as I sat back down, but I decided to continue on the conversation anyway. It was never good to let him alone with his thoughts; that's how he gets into half of the trouble he finds.

"What's wrong, Speed? What are you worrying about now?" I decided to get right to the point rather than dance around the issue. Slowly Speed sat up and put on a smile.

"What are you talking about, X? Nothing's bothering me," my little brother lied, a small laugh making its way into the end of his sentence.

Of course. He's trying to get out of all of this. It's really too bad that he doesn't know that he's too tense to actually be fine.

"Bullshit. If you were fine you wouldn't be rubbing your arm raw," I growled, glaring straight at him. He jumped a bit and pulled his arm away much too quickly, a frown instantly replacing his false grin. I felt myself frown as well as worry started to take over me, and I leaned a bit closer to him. "Seriously, dude. What's wrong?"

Speed went right back to slouching, turning his head slightly away to keep from looking me in the eye. "Well," he began, his voice full of insecurity.

"I was thinking, and," he turned to face me again, his eyes full of pain. "I was wondering what you would do if I wasn't a…"

He stopped in the middle of his sentence, too afraid to continue. I immediately felt this was going to take a turn for the worst, and the knot in my stomach twisted further. This wasn't something either of us could run away from, though, so I sighed as I realized I would have to force the conversation again, slowly sitting up to look Speed in the eye.

"What would I do if you weren't a what?" I asked through the worry that had overcome me. Speed seemed to also have his concerns, as he pulled in a deep breath before speaking again.

"Well, I, um, was wondering what you would do if I weren't a, um…" He was stalling, and we both knew it.

"Come on, Speed. Spit it out," I murmured. "I can't help you until I know what's wrong."

He took in one last breath before he quickly whispered the words "a racer". I must admit I was surprised; I didn't think this was something that he would worry about. Slowly I sat back and found a smile pull at my face as I realized this wasn't as serious as I had once thought.

"I wouldn't mind if you weren't into racing. You're still my little brother; We'd just find something else in common if you didn't race," I laughed as I wondered why Speed would even worry about how I would treat if he wasn't a racer, but I found that Speed didn't seem to be looking relieved at my answer. At first I wondered why he wouldn't accept my answer about him being a racer.

Speed shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he explained, "I meant a part of the Racer family." Oh.

_Oh._

My head grew hot as I became enraged at the question. Why would he think he wasn't a Racer? Who in the world planted that idea into his head? I swear, whenever I found out who had caused him this distress, I'd start bashing skulls in.

"Why don't you think you're a Racer, Speed?" His arm slowly pulled itself free from it's position taking skin off of his forearm and moved up to his forehead as he looked upwards and answered slowly.

"Well… We haven't had a test yet to make sure, right? All we have to go by is the key and ascot," he answered in a low tone, pulling said items from his pocket with his opposite hand and staring at them with a sad longing.

I still didn't understand. Those two things were conclusive proof that Speed was who he was; who else could get their hands on keys and an ascot that no one thought were missing? And give them to some random orphan kid to confuse him, no less.

"Yeah? I think that's enough evidence that you're a Racer, Speed. How else could you have gotten them?" I asked, my eyes laying on the faint glow of the red and white key. Speed didn't look up when he continued, instead staring at the same article that I was while voicing his thoughts.

"But they were given to me as a baby by the caretakers, X. They get lots of things wrong, so what if… they got me mixed up, too?" He let out a small sigh before breaking contact with the key and looking up at me again, locking eyes. "I could just be some kid that was lucky enough to get Speed Racer's stuff by accident. My name might not even be Speed; I could be a… Todd or something. I don't know.

"And that's why I'm worried, X. After everything in the past sixteen years I've gotten so happy with being here with you and Uncle Spritle and Dad… when he's around… but if it turned out that I wasn't who we think I am… I'm so scared of losing all of that, X." By this point there were tears dancing in his eyes as his mind returned to his days of being alone. My own stomach felt both empty and filled with dread as I watched him deteriorate before my eyes. A hand reached out to hold his shoulder and reassure him, but Speed backed away before finishing his thought.

"So if I turned out to be someone else and not your brother, X… what would you do?"

He kept my gaze and studied my shocked expression for an answer. For a moment I was stunned. No words would come, and with each passing second he seemed more and more desperate for my thoughts. Suddenly he started to get up, but I pulled him back by the hand and forced him to take my hand on his shoulder. Blue met blue as I began to speak, not knowing just what I was going to say, just knowing how I felt and that I wanted my brother to return to normal.

"I," I began, my voice faltering for a moment as I collected myself to continue. "You think I would just leave you alone if you weren't related to me? That if we didn't have blood between us that I would shove you away? And we would all do that?" My head was shaking and my voice was raising against my will as I began to become hysteric.

"That's what you think? You think we're _that_ cruel and heartless? I just… I can't even imagine," my head was shaking more now and I forced it to stop. Speed stared back over at me, shocked at my reaction, and I calmed myself and stared back.

"Speed… we're always going to be brothers. Blood or not, it doesn't matter. Even if there was some kid out there that was the 'real' Speed," I spit out the last two words with malice, "and you were really Todd or _whatever_, you would still be my little brother.

"You're a Racer, Speed. You've been through more in the past year than I have in my entire life. You get past kidnappings and attempted kidnappings and attempted murders and _everything_ better than I do, and you're just so selfless and fine with it. You've protected us a million times from Zile, even when I was a complete ass and we were practically strangers." Speed seemed more shocked still, though he was less tense.

"After all of that you think I'm just going to drop you for someone else if it turns out that we're not brothers? I just… thought you thought I was better than that." I dropped eye contact with Speed for a moment as it hit me what he had really been implying all along. After a moment I looked back up with twice the fire and intensity, finding guilt written in Speed's expression. "Don't worry about it, Speed. I'm not going to drop you for some schmuck just because we wouldn't be really related. You've earned your spot in the Racer family; I'm sure that all of us think so.

"And, if one day, it turns out that you're not my brother and we find the 'real Speed', I think I would hate him for getting in the way and upsetting my _real_ brother."

For a moment we sat in silence, both shocked and unknowing what to do or say next. As guilty and upset as Speed seemed, I could also see some relief and happiness in his expression. That in itself was entirely satisfying, but when I suddenly felt myself being hugged, I couldn't help but smile and feel a warmth sitting deep in my chest.

"Thanks, X," Speed breathed. My smile grew larger as I replied.

"Anytime, little brother."

There. Crappy one-shot completed.

Why did I write it? Because I wanted to. Did I read over it? Not really. Are there errors? Heck yes.

There needs to be more Speed/X brotherly love, guys. And more SR:TNG, but you know.

Anyway, I don't own anything, because I'm a terrible person with no life. Hope you had fun.


End file.
